maryjane_1

ive been pigging out so much lately. basically for the last week. its a problem.

i took a bath today and felt sooo discusting. i ended up just sitting there, soaking.. not even wanting to shave or wash up because i didnt want to have to touch all my fat.

todays just been no good. ive been so depressed. im seriously at the point where i hate myself. i need to change. im going to start out my days by working out for an hour in the morning. and im not eating until friday. i need to do this

oh yeah, and my boyfriend has kind of been wondering whats up with my today because i havent really wanted to talk or hangout with him. and honestly i dont really care anymore, so i just told him ive been really upset today. when he asked why, i told him its the same thing we've talked about before. he just said.. oh, the eating thing?

grawrrrr. yeh, its just that thing. (rolls eyes)

him: well is that all? i mean is everything else okay?

me: no, everything is not alright.

him: what?

me: im not alright

him: well i mean besides youre eating thing?

i tried to explain that hating myself is enough to be upset about, and that him downplaying it really isnt something i want to put up with right now. pretty sure he just thought i was getting annoyed, but it made me pretty upset. i confided in him and he just took it like i said i have a hang nail. so i said i had to go and hung up.

we're going to a soccer game together tonight though. i really dont want to go anywhere, but i already said i would, so i guess we'll see how it goes. im sure we'll talk about it more

hey just to let everyone know i wont have the internet for a while.. a long while lol i had to move and now i wont have the internet anymore. anyways, i hope everyones doing well. i love you all :]

so its too early to post yet, but i just wanted to see if anyone had advice..

i fasted yesterday (just water and green tea) and i was going to fast today, but my stomach starts acting weird if i dont eat for too long.. so i was thinking of having some soup around 3-4pm and maybe a tomatoe. what do you guys think?

also, i was wondering if anyone had tips on keeping occupied. the only time when i have trouble is if im really bored. the things that really seem to make me forget about food is shopping, taking a bath, doing my hair, my nails.. basically anything girly that will make me think about how i look. so does anyone have ideas because i cant shop everyday lol im too poor. and theres only so much time i can spend playing with my hair and giving myself a makeover

-terra